THCreate

Facing Reality

Never in a million years would I think I’d be writing about my personal experience with the mother of my children whom I no longer call mine.

Recently, I discussed in another post the reality I was facing as a man being separated from the mother of his two children. Between that reality and all the imminent actions I’ve taken is taking a toll on me. I feel heavy, alone, like a failure for not being able to remedy the problems. But I’ve decided I’ve tried too long and must do what is necessary.

Moving Forward

Since September 4, 2020, I had a serious conversation with Devin, the mother of my two children, about what she wants from life and specifically from me.

With a plethora of insolvable problems noted on her end and confusion in mine, as if I hadn’t worked on the problems she stated, it just began to feel more of a let-down each time she talked. I knew asking her to stay was a mistake. I knew asking for another chance was mute. I knew her refusal to seek therapy together was a dud. I was out of options.

I try to process what life looks like without her in it and its hard. It’s not hard just because she is the mother of my children, but she is and has been the person there for me as I have for her.

Closure

September 6, 2020, I decided to not cry anymore about what I could not change. I sought pen and paper and drafted my future plans. I rented a storage unit and moved everything I had out. This wasn’t the option I wanted but it was my only choice at offering Devin what she wanted–to be alone.

I won’t force myself into the life of anyone who does not want me in it. I’ve asked for forgiveness for my past and apologized too much for the relationship to end the way it did.

The Road Ahead

I’m looking forward to this new life brought upon me so suddenly. My children are oblivious to the fact mommy and daddy will no longer be together but I am a man of routine and schedule and promise to keep my children happy and to always look out for their best interest. I have all along and will not stop just because of a bump in the road.

They will be by my side and I will be forced to adapt to not seeing them every single day as I have. The days my children are not with me will be the days I pray for their health and safety. I’m their natural protector and to not be by them as they live life scares me.

I wish it didn’t turn out this way. I wish we could fall in love again like 2009. I wish we could make each other happy the way the other wants. I wish for a lot of things. Life has a different perspective and a challenge I look forward to accomplishing.

The Move