THCreate

For the year ending in 2020, I have been separated from the mother of my two children. A lot of rerouting had to take place in order to make the necessary accommodations towards making childcare work.

What remains unchanged, are the vast amounts of time I spend with my kids when not working or editing a project. I still take my children to school in the mornings and pick them up at 3:45 sharp in the evenings. Working the night shift, I had the flexibility to be the main form of transportation ensuring my kids had a way to and from school.

Following my separation, I made a choice to not see my ex’s family after our breakup. In my mind, it made sense that if I’m not apart of your family, it’s no longer my responsibility to bring our kids to see your family. Breaking up with the ex meant cutting off all ties with anyone in her family. I’ll explain why in the next paragraph. I interpreted the times I willingly brought my kids to see their maternal aunt, grandmother and great grandmother as an act of kindness which ceased the moment separation occurred.

I know it wasn’t the family’s fault–though some disapproved of our relationship–and I admit I felt sad for not taking our kids to see their mother’s side of the family, but to me, it was no longer my concern. Taking our kids to see their mother’s side of the family only hurt me knowing my ex wasn’t willing to make things work.

For a whole year, I stuck to my guns and still did not reach out. Not even a phone call or text message to say hi. It felt like it was my replacement’s part to be that person that reaches out to her family, not me. Should I feel guilty? Should I feel empathy? I admit, my relationship with my kids’ great grandmother was one of the closest relationships with her family and once I revoked that right, I did feel badly about it, but I took the precautions to curtail the hurt.

Almost two years later, I still feel the same but stepped outside of my comfort zone. Remember the grandmother of my ex I was telling you about? I asked my kids if they had seen her this year. It is only February at the time of writing this post, in which case, my kids have not seen their great grandmother {maternal} since Christmas. When I was around, my kids saw her frequently and that’s because I chose to allow her involvement because I respected her more than anybody else in her family.

I reached out to the great grandmother because when I asked my kids’ mother to watch them so I could work, I was told she had plans. So I took advantage of Plan B and felt great that my kids were able to make another memory with their great grandmother because of me. She was always willing to watch my kids for whatever reason, and this time, I paid it forward.

So, to reply to the title of this article, the oddity still exist very much so when I feel I need to rely on my kids’ mother’s family for temporary childcare.