THCreate

Never in a million years would I have thought this perfectly-seeming relationship would have ended this way. What I’m the most hurt about, is how you played my children, my family and I. I know about karma and I know the biblical reference ‘an eye for an eye’. I’m hoping through the karmic hurt, I can move on because I’ve loved and I’ve lost. So what do I have to lose? I’m hurt because I thought this would work and I really wanted this… you.

After leaving a relationship for a decade with the mother of my children, I gave myself months to focus on myself and my children. Many people in my situation would have done the same.

It wasn’t until I met you that I thought by the grace of God, He sent me a Christian woman who knew my desires long-term. He sent me a woman who loved children, criteria that you checked instantaneously.

I’d be lying to myself if I said I wasn’t hurt. Rest assured I am. I’ve never felt more let down in my life by someone’s actions–actions imitating the same betrayal and disloyalty I exhibited with the mother of my children.

I have trouble letting you go because you were a very special part of me. You entered my life at a time when I needed someone most to confide in, someone who was able to love my children before loving me. I trusted you, no, we trusted you. Just as the sinful sinner who sins against God, you forsake us, when you promised us an eternity. How could you? Then I asked myself the same questions, how could I in my last relationship before you?

Even after we let each other go, I still hoped that you would come back to me, hoping to let go of bad habits, hoping you wanted better from and for yourself to seek an honest commitment. For an educated, independent woman with two jobs, I sure had higher expectations from you. I thought you sought something greater than what you experienced growing up. Why wouldn’t you want better? I could have given you better and I showed you every step of our relationship what better was. You said I was perfect, but your disloyalty was far from perfection.

I laugh at myself for the times we shared intimate evenings at at the waterfront. I vividly remember the night you made a list of questions getting to know me. You asked me if I was interested in returning to my ex and without hesitation I responded ‘no’. Come to find out, you gave your ex multiple chances because you thought they were signs from God? That, I’ll never fathom. The God I know wouldn’t lead you to cheat on me over and over again. That is the temptational deliberation of a Satanist response.

I thought when I first met you that your name, Destiny, was certain to convey a meaning of higher, spiritual importance. I thought your last name meant the path I was on was a solid one, not destructive. I wish I had seen this coming or I wouldn’t have lend my heart to you. I wish I had seen this coming or I wouldn’t have allowed your relationship with my children to blossom. Why couldn’t you just let me go the first time! Why did you reach back out, playing with a man’s emotions? Why did you tell two men you loved them? It’s so twisted.

You chose to not trust me and listen to the words of your family, the same family who never tried to know me. I don’t blame them, I blame you for keeping us a secret. No wonder you didn’t want my recorded proposal to be aired. It made you look bad because your ex was still in the picture. You never trusted me, but I stupidly trusted you. I looked into the eyes of a deceitful player, eyes that mirrored my own years ago. I gave you countless chances and within nine months blew them all up in my face. I tried to save you from your past. I can’t change anyone but I hoped you were genuine the first few times you cheated on me. You never loved me. You thought you did.